How To Start A Successful Cult

(warning: this article is satire)

By Michael Mann

Step 1: Find something you are obsessed with.

The first and most obvious step is find something you really really love, love so much you can say you’re obsessed with it. It can be many different things a toy, a game, or even a T.V. Show.

562a91761900002d00b94c88
Source: Huffington Post

Step 2: Find other people to join your group.

What’s a cult with just one person? I suggest gathering around at least 10 people to really make your cult strive.

cephalopod-lodge-1.jpg
This is a good amount of people to have. Also, notice how the pale green squid in the far left has hearts for eyes. Source: Buzzfeed

Step 3: Make matching outfits.

How are you supposed to know who is a worshiper and who isn’t if you don’t all wear the same outfit? I suggest making your outfits creative and not just normal wear, or you may accidentally bring a “normy” in your sophisticated gathering.

Cephalopod_lodge.jpg

Actual picture of Normies crashing a cult gathering, which explains the low quality. Source: Wikipedia

Step 4: Have an arranged date and place to meet up.

Probably the most important rule of having a cult, arrange a place and date when to meet with your cult. How are you supposed to discuss the good word of the thing you are worshiping without meeting up with your group? I suggest somewhere that shows that it’s a cult meet-up. I mean why meet-up if no one knows that it’s a place of worship. I also suggest having a good time, something like twice a week once on Sunday morning and another time on Wednesday night, all good cults take place on those days.

spongebob.jpg
Seriously, SpongeBob is just nailing the correct ways to be part of a cult! Source: Freemasonry

Step 5: Enjoy your successful cult and only allow a select few people to join in the future.

And lastly, keep your cult pure and only allow the most dedicated people and family members of people in your cult to join in the future and sit back and watch your cult flourish.

Cephalopod_Lodge_Members.png
Source: Wikipedia

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.